1. McGwire comes clean

After hiding in the cellar for five years following his dreadful appearance at Capitol Hill where he stated that he wasn’t going to talk about the past, Mark McGwire admits to using steroids throughout his playing career with the St Louis Cardinals and Oakland Athletics.

I hereby swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth... except for the parts of the truth that can destroy my career, I'd rather not discuss that

Not really shocking news to anyone, but it’s good that he finally manned up and told the truth, and honorable that it wasn’t just to sell a tell-all book.  McGwire said in his statement that he “wishes he never played in the steroid era,” and while some people think it’s wrong that he blame the era, I understand where he’s coming from.  If 80% of your team’s locker room is popping pills and shooting up, and they aren’t being questioned or punished for it, how do you not succumb to the pressure when your stats are sliding, and a call to the minors is right around the corner?  Major props to any player that didn’t use steroids in the 90’s.

This is really the best thing McGwire could do at this point; come clean, do a teary-eyed interview with Bob Costas, and continue with his baseball career as a hitting coach for the Cards.  America is a very forgiving society, and we love when people come clean and admit they were wrong.  I have a good feeling Cooperstown will finally open up it’s hallowed doors for Mark after this.

But for the record, this doesn’t make Jose Canseco any less of a douche

this shirt was actually made just because they knew Jose was douche enough to sport it

2. Pacquiao and Mayweather make every boxing fan pay for ever loving the sport of boxing

Unfortunately, this is the only way we're going to see these two next to each other

It’s on again, it’s off again, it’s on again… it’s off again… seriously this time.  Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather Jr have officially squashed all hope of their much anticipated bout by each scheduling a fight with another opponent on the exact night their fight was supposed to go down.  This is officially the death of boxing.

This is the only boxing fight that anyone has really looked forward to in the past ten years, and after weeks of squabbling over blood testing disagreements, they’ve chosen to take the 1st grade route and schedule fights with lesser known fighters just so they can’t fight each other.  We know each of these guys can punish no-name fighters, that’s not the entertainment we want to see.

I officially hate boxing, I hate it because I actually love it and it hates me and every other fan.  First, allowing the heavyweight division to be dominated by slow white guys, and now making a simulated video game bout the best way to find out who would win in this much anticipated match.

We should all boycott both these fights as fans just to send a message to these fighters, as well as the promoters and everyone else who have turned boxing into a mockery of what once was a great sport.  RIP boxing 130 B.C- 2010 A.D.

3. Carroll to the NFL, Kiffin to USC

Just when you think you have USC football figured out, they go and shake things up like this.  Pete Carroll announced Monday that he is bolting from the Trojans to make his long-awaited return to the NFL.  We knew it was going to happen eventually but I don’t think anyone saw it going down like this.  He joins a Seattle Seahawk team that has been fighting to join the middle of the pack at best.  We know Pete loves a challenge but he is leaving what has been one of the most successful programs for the past decade to join a team that has only mustard eight wins in the previous two seasons combined, in a relatively small sports market, with an aging quarterback and very little upside in the way of young talent.  To say Pete’s got his work cut out for him is an understatement.

Carroll: "did I really just do this?"

Meanwhile, USC wastes no time in finding his successor and hire Lane Kiffin, former Volunteer frontman/Al Davis chew toy.  Perhaps even more surprising than Carroll’s choice of NFL teams is USC’s choice of coaches.

Kiffin joined what seemed to be a pretty solid job at Tennessee a year ago following his disastrous run as the Oakland Raider head coach for one and a fraction of a season.  Immediately Kiffin let his mouth write checks he couldn’t cash, calling out Urban Meyer and the entire Florida program multiple times, making his run at Tennessee a spectacle more than anything else.  He did improve the Volunteer’s record slightly from the previous season and came within a blocked field goal to knocking off the eventual champs, Alabama.  He does have a good history with the Trojans, serving as their offensive coordinator from 2005-06, where they averaged over 40 points a game.  He also brings with him his father, Monte Kiffin, a highly touted defensive coordinator and apparent lackey to his son these days.  This will no doubt be an interesting experiment.

Kiffin explaining the sexual act he performed on Mike Garrett to win the USC head coaching position

Both the USC and Seattle programs are going to have a lot to overcome in the coming years, and both will be good tests for each coach to display just how solid they really are.  Personally, I would like to thank USC for making the change, as Pete is a pretty damn likable guy, and Kiffin makes the USC program just that much easier to hate.  Don’t believe me?  Just ask the students at Tennessee. http://www.rockytoptalk.com/2010/1/13/1248744/scenes-from-the-university-of

4. Defense wins out in the Shootout of the decade

Karlos Dansby celebrates as his defensive touchdown defeats the Packers in game where defense took a nap in regulation

The Packers vs the Cardinals.  Aaron Rodgers vs Kurt Warner.  The Cheese Heads vs The Redbirds.  However you put it, on Sunday’s wild card weekend it equalled exciting football.  Thirteen touchdowns, a playoff record 96 points, two crazy one-handed end-zone catches, and a thrilling overtime finish that put the Cardinals back into the division round of the playoffs all were the result of a wild game that saved the first round of the NFL’s playoffs from being referred to as boring.  You know, because America hates blowouts and defense.

The irony of this offensive fire show was that it was eventually won on the defensive end when Karlos Dansby forced an Aaron Rodgers fumble and ran it in for the touchdown.  Showing once again why God writes the best scripts in the sports world.

5. Cowboys finally get over the hump

The last time a Cowboy raised their arms victoriously in the playoffs, we were doing the Macarena

After fourteen years of being shutout from playoff success, the Dallas Cowboys finally managed a playoff win on Saturday, beating the Philadelphia Eagles 34-14.  Cowboys players and fans alike can finally tell all the haters that have given them hell about the inevitable bust of their NFL season year in and year out to shove it.  Although, keep in mind it is only one game, and their is still plenty of time for Tony Romo and Wade Phillips to blow it in some unforseeable manner.

But just because it’s the last time we’ll be able to make this joke, let’s go ahead and list some of the things that have changed since The Cowboys last had a playoff victory:

• Tiger Woods had yet to win a major golf tournament
• Bill Clinton was just elected to his second term in office
• the internet consisted of dial-up connection, free hours discs of AOL, and was mostly used as a haven for nerdy teenagers to lookup Nintendo 64 cheat codes and pictures of Teri Hatcher
• Kobe Bryant was a stark, young, wide-eyed rookie out of high school
• Miley Cyrus was still wearing diapers and sucking on her mom’s teet
• people still thought the Macarena was hot
• Mel Gibson was considered sexy
• Britney Spears was a 15-year old girl who was most recognized for her work on The Mickey Mouse Club
• Tupac had just signed a deal with Death Row (presumably inked in blood)
• Fight Club was a popular book and gave no one the image a shirtless Brad Pitt
• And Gary Busey was still a respectable actor

The cling-on's are coming! Quick everybody take off your shoes and pray to Thorex, chancellor of Zigon 5!

Honorable Mention:

Blake Griffin out for the season

The only uniform Griffin will be wearing with the Clippers this season

Why do I feel like had Griffin been drafted by anyone but the Clippers he would be dominating right now, and not sitting on the sidelines in tailored suits?